My family loved the Sunday Parkways so much that every year we’d try to do all of them. As the years went by, I started to notice that our day-long bike rides—and even our family time at home—were getting interrupted by phones. Now that we carry around a device that allows us to bank, buy cat food, check our work email, get the latest news, and stay in touch with friends all over the world, it’s no surprise that constant productivity and connectedness is distracting. Checking our phone instead of being fully present with the people in front of us today is so common that there’s even a term for it—“Phubbing” (a combination of “phone” and “snubbing”).
Obviously, leaving phones at home or completely off during family time is a great option. But years ago, when I talked to my husband about minimizing phone interruptions during family time, he pointed out that he was running a business with employees that might need to reach him. He also had an elderly dad who was living alone and who might have an emergency. As nice as it sounds, for many of us being unreachable for six hours (or even two hours) is not an option.
When we can’t fully disconnect, how can we still give the people around us the attention they deserve, and be fully present for the moments that matter? Eventually, my family worked out a compromise that really works, and I invite you to try it too!
This month’s Mindful Media Tech Tip is called Real Life Live For 55. The basic idea is that phones are put away for 55 minutes of every hour. Here’s how it works: Before leaving on a family outing, one person collects everyone’s phone and stores them (ringers off) in a purse or backpack. Your family gets to enjoy 55 minutes of fun and connection with everyone fully present and undistracted. After 55 minutes, anyone who wants to can check their phone, for five minutes only. When five minutes are up, the phones are stored away for another 55 minutes and the pattern repeats every hour.
The first few times you try this, it can feel a little clunky and overly scripted, but here’s what I’ve found: five minutes of intentional phone checking every 55 minutes is a small price to pay for almost an hour of undistracted presence. Without a plan for intentional phone use, people tend to get pulled away by their phones randomly (and more frequently). No sooner has one person pocketed their phone and rejoined the conversation then someone else gets a text and drops out. With the average person checking their phone 186 times a day (or every five minutes of waking hours), it’s easy to wind up in a state of “continuous partial attention.”
Here’s why Real Life Live For 55 is an easy solution:
• For many people, it’s more realistic than completely disconnecting for several hours.
• Having only five minutes to check requires people to prioritize what’s
actually important, and leave everything else until later.
• For folks who have a harder time parting with their phone, knowing they
can check-in once an hour makes it easier for them to put it down for a while.
• It’s a workable compromise between family members who want everyone to fully disconnect, and family members who prefer to stay connected to their devices.
Great times to try Real Life Live For 55:
• Family time, in or out of the house
• At grandma’s house
• Date nights
• Spending time with the kids but still feeling pressure to get things done
Real Life Live For 55 isn’t just for families with kids. It’s a great option for couples, friends, co-workers, or any group of people that wants to create more time together undistracted by the constant pinging of our phones.
For more healthy screen time tips for families, go to the Printouts page of my website: mindful-media.net.