Parents can make healthier decisions when it comes to kids, screens and socializing. In-person hangout time has dropped 50 percent for kids/teens since the year 2000 and it’s easy to assume that on-screen socializing (rather than in-person) is just “how kids are today.” But the latest research shows that there’s a big developmental benefit to hanging out in-person. Kids and teens are missing out on crucial growing experiences when they spend hours on a screen. 50 percent less time in-person means 50 percent less practice reading body language, looking people in the eye, and mastering the social skills necessary to thrive in relationships and careers. It also means 50 percent less of the positive mental health benefits that in-person friendships bring. With all the technology choices parents have to make today, we will always be making a healthier choice if we “Lower The Ratio” between the number of kids vs. the number of houses and screens.
Let’s imagine the common scenario of our kid or teen coming home from school and spending the afternoon and evening gaming with five friends on Discord. Here, we have six kids, six separate houses and six different screens. Aside from the opportunity cost of fewer hours practicing social skills, socializing over a screen also wraps a child in a perfect cocoon of ease and comfort for many hours at a time.
It turns out that kids actually need a steady dose of small hardships, difficulties, and awkwardnesses to develop resilience and the ability to manage in the world. Think back to being at a friend’s house as a kid or teen. Remember how much fun it was AND remember all the small discomforts? Talking to your friend’s parents, dealing with annoying younger siblings or intimidating older ones, coping with different pets, eating unfamiliar food, and adjusting to another family’s rules and parenting styles—not to mention the challenge of getting yourself there, often on foot, bike or public transportation. It is exactly this kind of constant, low-level challenge that protects kids and teens against anxiety. Excessive screen time can keep kids from getting enough of these small in-person discomforts. In this way, on-screen socializing is a lot like the empty calories of highly processed food; it’s missing lots of necessary and important nutrients but still fills you up, leaving no appetite for more “nutritious” socializing.
Imagine instead that our kid invites five fellow gamers to the house for a big gaming session in the living room. It’s still six kids and six different screens, but only one house. Now the kids are gaming AND practicing their social skills. Want to go one step healthier? Lower The Ratio even further. What if these six kids decide to watch a movie instead? Now we’ve got six kids, one house, and only one screen. Movies and TV shows are healthier screen choices for kids because in 2007, tech companies started adding lots of addictive elements like push notifications or the “like” or “comment” features (called Persuasive Technology) to social media. (At the same time, they added similar features to gaming.) In fact, most of the social media and games our kids use today have the same behaviorally addictive elements that casinos use in their slot machines. Movies and TV shows don’t have them. When the movie ends and the kids are in the living room talking and eating snacks, you’ve now got six kids, one house, and zero screens, which is the healthiest option of all!
Hint: You can also Lower The Ratio in your house with your family. Just think of lowering the ratio between the number of people vs. the number of rooms and screens. A family movie night is much healthier than everyone in different rooms on separate screens.
Megan Orton founded mindful-media.net in 2020 to help parents create healthy technology habits with their families.
